So today is my 48th birthday and it’s a day of reflection as all birthdays are. I still miss the phone calls from my mom and gram on my birthday, but I also know they are with me through good times and bad. This year has been a struggle on many fronts. The economy has affected my company and I am basically looking at all opportunities now to both promote my company (free sometimes) and freelancing doing other things to make it all work.

I worry about my Dad and his second wife lots. Both are not in perfect health and I feel I am too far away to help. I was in Chicago for work recently but was unable to see anyone in my family while there. People get older and things get complicated. I wish I had seen my dad but it was just bad timing. It still felt wrong.

I worry about my kids also and being able to give them a nice place to visit their dad the few times a week I am able to see them. This week is great for My Ex traveled for work and I have them both every night. I love spending as much time as I can with them.

My son CJ is growing into a man at 13 and is a size 12 shoe already. He had his birthday party recently and invited 5 guys and 15 girls. He appears oblivious to girls sometimes but when I heard they were looking for a bottle at his party, perhaps that has now changed.

My daughter Sabrina is 6 going on 7 and is still Daddy’s little girl. She is in 1st grade and learning to read and it’s a joy to be around her always. I love when she reads to me and I too her. These are the times I cherish most.

I miss having more friends in the area. I feel disconnected somewhat. Yes I am meeting people through social media but I am not sure they fall into “the friends” category. Friends to me are people I can lean on for advice and course correction. People you can say anything too and will listen understand and give advice. Real friends have your back.

Anyway, as I watch a video transfer, I wonder what is in store for me in the coming year both with nervous anticipation and guarded optimism.